Fix the 3 Mistakes I Make When Setting Goals

Jan 1

We've all been through the self-improvement yo-yo for New Years resolutions. Here's the mistakes I make in creating unsustainable goals/intentions/desires...

Buying the work, instead of doing the work. Purchasing a big membership thinking that because I paid for it I will definitely go to the gym.
Making my 1 year goals too big and my 5 year goals too small. I tend to overestimate what I can get done in a year and underestimate what I can do over a few years.
Adding goals to my plate, without taking anything off. I'll show you how I figured out what to quit doing so I can start something new below.

🚫 What can I say NO to this year...so I can say YES with ease?

During our last silent meditation retreat I brainstormed a list of things I'm NOT doing anymore. Here's a few things I'm changing to make space for the things I value.

I'm skipping mob call outs of individuals I don't know. There's plenty to be outraged about without spending my energy on the bad actor clickbait of the day. I'm going to save my energy to call in people I know instead of calling out strangers in the comments.
Impressing other people. I spent most of my adult life feeding that slot machine: put something out, get praise, repeat. It was a cycle that kept me producing what others wanted instead of following my authentic path. Once you unyoke from the external validation train...the world really is your oyster. (I have a kick-ass inspirational speech on this below!)
Implying you must be rich/white/skinny/young/perfect/hustle to be successful. What we share on social media sets the culture...especially for the next generation. I can reinforce the culture of white supremacy, ageism, patriarchy, and fat phobia...or I can share images that disrupt those systems of oppression.

👋 Where am I limiting or underestimating myself?

Here's how I get around the very human tendency to overestimate what I can do in 1 year and underestimate what I can get done in 5-10 years.

Hitting the minimum viable goal. The crazy thing about desires/goals is sometimes we get them wrong. How many college graduates do you know who didn't want to work in the area they studied by the time they got out? I went to run a campground last summer and discovered I hated it. Look at your big goals and ask yourself: How can I get a taste of what this change would be like with a minimum investment? Instead of committing to medical school, could I get a receptionist job at a Doctor's office for 6 months? Instead of planning 5 new international retreats, could I sell out a day-long retreat at my house? Instead of waiting for the time off to write my book, could I email friends a new chapter once a month?
Creating a next step for each goal. Big goals can be really intimidating to get started. For each goal, write down something you can do this week. Every step you take towards your goal will show you if you're on the right track.
Making a mood board of my desires. I'll create a visual board of 'desires' and 'ways of being' I want in my reality. This mood board goes in my meditation area so I can see it daily. It reminds me to pursue my goals holistically because it has a mix of personal, professional, and aspirational goals for the year. I don't know why staring at pictures of what you want to happen in the world works...but it does.

🤑 How to avoid overspending on the way to my goals

I LOVE to invest in myself and my people. I've had years where I've invested $30K and years where I've spent $100. Some of it was money well spent and some of it could have gone to something better. Here's the framework I use to avoid wasting money on buying the work instead of doing the work.

Set a budget for investing in myself for the year. I set budgets to support my physical health, my mental health, my spiritual health, and improve my skills. For example, my Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training was $7K but used budgets from all four of those areas and included room & board for a month.
Check the time requirement & learning style. I won't register for a program unless I think I can do at least 75% of the live sessions and 50% of the homework. I know I won’t make time for recorded classes, so I don’t buy them anymore.
Do one program at a time. It can be tempting to pile up on courses and try to do everything at once...but then I never finish anything.
Be realistic about my effort & return expected. A lot of programs show off testimonials from their most successful students. I like to ask myself if I get half of what these other people experienced, will it be worth the price?

🚩 Avoid the Red Flags of false urgency or fake scarcity. Zoom rooms are easy to expand...so don't get lured in by claims like "only 3 spots left" for online programs. You can often get into a "sold out" program even after the deadline, just by asking and having the cash. If the program is in-person then the limited availability is more likely to be real.

I'm writing from Portland, Maine, where we're dog sitting over the New Years for some lovely friends. We'll be back in upstate New York from January to March, offering our 4-night silent meditation retreats.

Our retreats are for just 4 guests at a time and cost just $420.

A weekend of silence is the ultimate New Year's gift to yourself. Please join us!

Radical Silence Retreats with Spots Open: