How to Thrive at a Group Retreat as a Highly Sensitive Empath
I just finished a Yin Yoga & Yoga Nidra Teacher Training in Mallorca, Spain. It has been a few years since I’ve attended someone else’s retreat. I had a fabulous time, learned a lot (I’ll share the story below), and was reminded that there are some tricks to having a great time as a sensitive person.
As a highly sensitive empath, I’ve learned I CAN have a great time with a group of strangers, I just have to do things a little differently. These tips come from my personal experience at yoga teacher trainings and collected from the neurodiverse people I’ve guided on silent retreats.
KNOW HOW YOU FREAK OUT
“Know thyself.”
Your freakouts aren’t totally random. They are usually preceded with a couple of warning signs that you can watch for. For example, I know to watch myself when I’m hungry, tired, dehydrated, and hit a system that doesn’t work the way I think it should. Double points if I’m PMSing. Tracking my moon cycle and watching my food & water intake helps me avoid freaking out.
Write down the thoughts/emotions/sensations that you have on the way to freaking out. Write down the self-soothing actions that work when you start to feel that way. Monitor yourself for sliding towards freak out and put your soothing plan into action before you can’t take care of yourself. You may even share some of this knowledge with a retreat leader, so they can help if you get in over your head.
USE WATER TO CLEANSE (FROM OTHER PEOPLE)
A mindful shower, bath, or swim can help you clear whatever is thrown at you. I take a shower before I go to bed at night to reset myself for sleep. Sometimes I’ll choose retreats on the ocean so I can swim in the morning. You can look for a retreat at a hot springs or at least with a hot tub.
Drinking purified water is CRUCIAL to surviving and especially helpful when you need to be flexible. Aim for 128 ounces of water a day. Remember that if you wait to drink until you’re thirsty then you’re already dehydrated. Drink a full glass of water when you wake up and with every meal. Don’t forget to get enough natural salt while you’re at it.
LOOK FOR SILENT OR QUIET RETREATS
I find retreats where everyone is talking all the time exhausting. Planned silent time helps me recharge and completely silent retreats are my favorite. Look for retreats with silent periods. For example, silence from lights out to after breakfast is common. Some retreats will have a silent day or give you a sticker so you can be silent.
I teach Radical Silence, a 4-night retreat with 66 hours of unplugged silence. It’s my favorite way to focus on my development in the company of others. You can find out more at www.jazminhupp.com/silence
LOOK WITHIN BEFORE YOU LOOK OUT
I have an old behavior pattern of always looking for an outside reason whenever I get uncomfortable. I’ve blamed everything from ghosts, to bad energy, to bad food, to bad music. I used to blame my discomfort on whoever was around me. Over time I learned that trying to “fix” everyone else was a losing game BUT I could work on what was calling for my attention within me.
Recently, I attended a Yin Yoga Teacher Training at Green Yoga International in Mallorca, Spain, and had nightmares. I called the retreat leader out in front of the group by asking for the history of the land we were on and if the previous energy had been cleared. He pointed out how many things they had done to reset the energy using Vastu principles (it’s like feng shui on the Hindu side). I doubted him and continued to blame my dreams on the old German energy in the beds. Luckily another student talked to me over dinner and explained what she understood about nightmares. She invited me to take ownership of everything I was experiencing in my dreams and free write about them. As soon as I began to write I immediately saw the lessons my dreams were trying to share.
Notice every person that triggers you. Instead of blaming them for triggering you, look for what you could clear within yourself now that this emotion is alive. Take your time to sit and feel whatever emotions come up. Don’t shy away from the hard emotions because that’s where some of the best lessons are to be found.
This advice does NOT apply if you’re experiencing sexual harassment or anyone touching you without your permission. No one has the right to your body, time, or energy. State your boundaries and get help if someone isn’t listening.
P.S. I loved the Yin Yoga training in Mallorca. It’s a beautiful island to visit with a full medieval city on the ocean and stunning rolling hills. I loved hanging out with a diverse group of European women. https://greenyogaindia.com/
WALK 2+ MILES A DAY
Most retreats include some sort of exercise but it’s usually not enough to stay fit (or balance those delicious retreat meals). Walking is the best way to experience a new place because it gives you time to digest what you are seeing. I notice so much more when I walk. If long walks aren’t your thing, try walking for 15 minutes after every meal. I use an Apple Watch that tracks my steps to keep me accountable.
GO SLOW ON THE FOOD
Many retreats serve amazing food but it may be nothing like what you are used to. Go slow with new ingredients and spices. Don’t drink unfiltered water. Know what ingredients tend to work for you and skip things that are on the edge.
If you have food allergies/sensitivities, report them to the retreat staff at least a week before you arrive. Most retreats can accommodate specific diets with advance notice. When in doubt, try to eat less than you think you need. Chew more times than you want to. Try to finish your last meal by 7PM and definitely no caffeine after Noon.
FOCUS ON 1:1 CONVERSATIONS INSTEAD OF GROUPS
If you find following a group conversation tiring, focus on having personal conversations. Try picking the person sitting alone at lunch for a conversation (if they’re into it). For a small group I’ll challenge myself to have one conversation with each person before the retreat ends. I learn a lot talking to others, especially when I’m not exhausted by group dynamics.
USE SUNGLASSES TO REDUCE EYE CONTACT
If making continuous eye contact is tiring for you, you can use sunglasses as a crutch. Mirrored sunglasses will show the person you’re talking to their own face instead of your eyes. I use them when I want to stay in a conversation but I’m done connecting for the day. Wearing sunglasses will make it harder for the other person to connect with you and understand your facial reactions. You’ll need to be more clear with your words when you’re hiding half your face.
TAKE TIME BY YOURSELF
You may feel pressure to be with the group but take as much time by yourself as you desire. For me that might mean NOT taking the group shuttle to the retreat center so I can arrive solo. I often eat meals by myself so I can take that time to recharge. I also plan a solo decompression day or two after the retreat to come back to myself.
TAKE THE TIME OFF
The first step in having a truly transformative retreat is to make time for yourself. If you’re constantly worried about that work call you have to make on Wednesday or work emails piling up, it’s going to be tough to fully participate.
Take the time off from work and from social obligations. Put up an email autoresponder to let people know that you won’t be responding. You can re-record your voice mail greeting for the trip. Let your family and friends know you may not be reachable and turn OFF your devices. Give your Mom the contact information of the retreat center and let other people miss you! This is an especially good time for your work colleagues to realize how valuable you are—or for you to realize everything at work doesn’t really depend on you.
While you’re taking time off from work, try to add some extra days to the beginning and/or end of the trip so you can arrive calm and decompress before you come home. There’s nothing worse than coming back from a vacation and realizing you need another vacation.
ARRIVE A DAY EARLY & STAY 2+ DAYS LATE
Travel can be stressful and unpredictable. Give yourself some grace by planning your travel to arrive a day early and stay a few days after the retreat. Arriving early will help you accumulate to the new environment before you add lots of strangers on top of it. Plus if you miss a flight, you can still arrive on time. If you’re changing time zones, the extra time will help you shift your sleep schedule.
Don’t take the red eye or any other flight that will stress you out. Sure getting an extra day in paradise sounds like a great idea but you will probably just end up cranky. It took me YEARS to realize that the $100 I was saving by taking the worst flight, just made me spend more time recovering from the travel experience.
Staying after the retreat for solo decompression time is highly recommended. I love to have a few days to myself before returning home. Many retreats are in amazing places that you might not visit again anytime soon so you’ll want time to enjoy it.
BOOK A PRIVATE ROOM (OR FIND A PRIVATE SPACE)
I need a private space to recharge between peopling. If a private room isn’t available or isn’t affordable, scope out how you can get some private space throughout the day. This might mean taking a walk between sessions by yourself. Or telling your roommate that you practice silent mornings and won’t speak to them until after breakfast. You can also ask the retreat staff if there’s somewhere off the beaten path that you can sit solo. Whatever you do, don’t book a dorm room. Sleeping with 6 new strangers usually triggers me after a few nights.
TAKE TIME TO UNPACK & MAKE THE SPACE YOURS
I used to fling my suitcase down and throw myself into a retreat right away. Now I make sure to arrive on time so I have plenty of time to unpack and settle in. I create my nest in my room before the retreat gets started.
Unpack my suitcase to see if I forgot anything crucial
Put my toiletries in the bathroom so I don’t have to look for them with wet hands
Charge my devices so I can turn them off (fully charged) and forget about them
Set up my portable Altar with mementos for meditation
Decorate my room with jewelry, my outfits, wildflowers, whatever I happen to have
Figure out how the lighting, windows, and heating/cooling works
Favorite snacks in the refrigerator
PACK YOUR ARM FLOATIES
Taylor Tomlinson is hilarious on this…
At home you probably have every calming toy and trick available to you. To travel, pack your portable self-soothing tools. These are some of my favorites.
Eye mask & earplugs — for sleeping on the plane or if you get roomed with strangers
Noise canceling headphones & calm music — for travel, sleep, or me time
Alarm clock — to allow me to get up early to take medication or nap without worrying about missing the next session
Hat & hoodie — Covering your head can help cushion against the outside world
Fidget toy
Favorite tea or coffee with all the fixings
Favorite snacks
Favorite pen / art supplies & notebook
Lotion, moisturizing mask, oils — try self-massage in the evening before bed
Lavender oil — is calming and can help you sleep
Portable Altar objects — a few stones, a note to myself, jewelry from my grandmother, and other objects to ground into
UP YOUR IMMUNITY
Traveling to a new place and meeting lots of new people means your immune system needs to be in top shape to protect you. Here are some things you can do to stay well.
Get enough sleep before and during the retreat
Don’t drink alcohol
Take supplements like Vitamin C, Zinc, Elderberry, Mushrooms, etc.
Drink 128 ounces of water a day
Wear a mask around sick people
Drink hot water, lemon, ginger, and honey
Moisturize your skin — your skin is your first defense layer
Protect your respiratory system & lungs — they are you second defense layer
Wear sun protection clothing or sunscreen — excess solar radiation while flying is real
Keep up your regular exercise schedule
PACK EVERY MEDICATION YOU’VE EVER NEEDED
Our bodies can do unusual things when we take them to unusual places. Most retreats will have basic first aid but it can be hard to get specific medications. Bring anything you might think you will need. Preferably in their original labeled bottles so you don’t get questioned about your meds.
Personal medications
Pain medication
Sleep medication
Allergy medication
Constipation medication or Smooth Move tea
Diarrhea medication
Band-aids
Arnica
Cannabis
Plan B / Condoms
BONUS TIP: WRITE YOURSELF A POSTCARD OR TO DO LIST
Near the end of the retreat, I like to reflect on what I’ve learned and what I want to take into my daily life. It’s tempting to want to make lots of big changes after an amazing retreat but I like to focus on 1 or 2 habit changes and a handful of ideas I want to learn more about. I write myself a postcard or journal the changes I’d like to make and why. I find writing about my experience and what I want to take forward helps me retain more from the retreat. Being realistic about how many life changes I can make after a retreat has made for a much smoother re-entry process.
